i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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