apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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