I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
there is glitter all over my balls
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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