i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
