look no pants
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
