I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
