How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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