I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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