did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
