So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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