I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
