i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
