Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
