Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
