I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
