Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
