....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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