watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
