YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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