I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
