how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
