Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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