Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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