I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They have beer where we have blood.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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