$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
