I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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