We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
