He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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