I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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