We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
