i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
