i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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