thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
