woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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