plz talk dirty to me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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