Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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