I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
