now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
