ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
