She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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