Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am mentally ready for anal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
