i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he fucked my hip out of place.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
