Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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