Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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