remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
