Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
