What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he wants to bone in the snuggie
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
