i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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