so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
