"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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