For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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