we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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