Jerry, you need to find god
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
