he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
