Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
