Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
