I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
