i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
