You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
