party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
