im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
