Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
