they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
