his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
