dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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