dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
