Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
