I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
