i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
