I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
