this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
