Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
