I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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