When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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