You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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