SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
