We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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