if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
