Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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