and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
