break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
