you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
