you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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