Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
