Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
