She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
