I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
