I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
